Abstract Art Blog

A Year of Making Art, Day 337: Split Personality

March 22, 2008  Day 337

I made my drawing early today.  It has a split personality, which I used to think I had when I was younger.  I did, in the sense that I was bipolar (undiagnosed at that time), and suffered severe mood swings.

  Drawing #344  11" x 14"

Blixy is bringing Mike and Rachel over today to see their California cousins who are staying with us.  I already did the food shopping for dinner.  With luck, we'll get a walk in this afternoon and play a lot of ping-pong.  It is cold, but sunny for a change.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 327: Keyed Up After Meeting

March 12, 2008  Day 327

We had a good bipolar support group meeting last night, except that I was the facilitator and worried that I didn't rein people in soon enough when they tended to take more than their allotted time.  We had a new person come, and I worry about making them feel welcome and wanting to come back.

I am always keyed up after meetings, so I stayed up drinking wine and eating nuts and chocolate--enough to give me indigestion that lasted through breakfast.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep.  Now I am ready for a nap.

In today's drawing I let loose with reds, oranges and yellows, gradually finding a loose shape within this free form:

  Drawing #334  14" x 11"

Then I packed the five paintings I have to ship to a Boston gallery:

  123456  48" x 48"

  MADCAP LIGHT  24" x 24

  GHOST BLOCK  18" x 24"

  WINTER BLOCKS  18" x 24"

  WHIRLPOOL BLOCK  18" x 24"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 299: Door Locked, Building Closed

February 12, 2008  Day 299

This morning I started with brown and tan calligraphy pens, adding fine black lines for texture and then finishing with a dark brown.

Drawing #305  14" x 11"

After that, I had to complete the top and bottom edges of Canvas #34 (see previous post).  Still, I don't now what I will do with it next.

Our bipolar support group meeting last night was canceled due to a storm.  I know a lot of people are going to miss it, including one new person I wasn't able to reach with the information.  There's nothing worse than finally getting up the nerve to go to a meeting and then finding the door locked and the building closed when you get there.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 239: Holiday Stress

December 14, 2007  Day 239

In this morning's drawing, my attempt at looseness slipped into sloppy--an assortment of lines that didn't want to work together no matter how I tried to coerce them:

   Drawing #244  12" x 9"

It is ten days before Christmas, and I'm planning to be depressed at that time.  Laura and Jim will leave on the 22nd, and we have nothing planned until January 2, when we are flying to California for a week.  I will try to work during that time, but I know there will be a letdown after Laura leaves.

Adrian and I don't really make much of Christmas or New Years, so they become dead times where you try to act as if it's a normal day, but you know it's not.  I think our son Eric has the right idea--he goes to Florida every year during this time.

For anyone who is bipolar or prone to depression, the holidays are typically extra stressful, whether you spend them alone or with family.  It's good to be aware of the potential danger, and to take better care of ourselves during those times.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 188: Walking in the Woods Is Part of Ithaca Life

October 24, 2007  Day 188

I'm back to greens and blues in today's drawing.  The design felt a bit static with not enough focus.  I may keep working on it.

   Drawing #193  12" x 9"

Someone made an appointment to visit my studio this afternoon, but her husband called and said she was having car trouble and would have to reschedule.  Then a few minutes ago, the client who couldn't make up his mind about which painting to buy called and said he's coming over tonight to get one.

I would like to have my studio back to "painting mode," which is a lot different than I have it for visitors.

Last night at our bipolar support group meeting, it became clear that for us Ithacans, exercise, especially outdoors, is a big part of how we stay stable.  A new member from the city felt out of sorts here.  She could imagine walking for hours  in Manhattan, but not in the woods. 

I just had a wonderfully brisk walk with a neighbor this afternoon over colorful trails of wet leaves.  I couldn't imagine living without that.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 182: In the Midst of Hypomania

October 18, 2007  Day 182

I am definitely hyper this week.  I've been getting up between 5 and 6 a.m. every morning, and find my head buzzing with projects and ideas.  If you haven't read it before in this blog, I am bipolar.  I love the hypomania, but also know that it takes its toll, and the aftermath could very well be depression. 

I enjoyed making this morning's drawing, which began with an unpromising beginning.  Step by step, I urged it to come together:

  Drawing #186  12" x 9"

I believe one thing that's making me hyper is hosting two art trail open studio weekends, one last weekend and the next coming up in two days.   After that I'll probably crash, or at least relax a bit.  My online art business has heated up lately, also, and it seems that I spend more time at the business than the art-making end these days.  When business is slow, I get depressed.  When it is good, I get hyper.   

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 146: The Value of a Support Group

September 12, 2007  Day 146

Last night's bipolar support group meeting was warm, supportive, and thoughtful, with a good laugh thrown in here and there.  My sister Laura came with me, and she was very impressed with the quality of the discussion, especially considering it is a peer-run group without any outside "expert" to guide us.

In this morning's drawing, I started with blue, but soon I was adding so many colors that I had to tone it down with some fine black lines.  I also filled in some areas with gray to take away some of the bright colors, and to add emphasis.

  Drawing #148  11" x 14"

I started to see double at one point, and realized I need to take care of my cataracts before the end of the year.  I'm really looking forward to being able to see clearly again.

It was fun looking at houses yesterday afternoon.  We saw a wonderful old renovated barn with the original beams intact.  Laura discovered she could get a lot more house in Ithaca than in south Florida for the same money, although we don't have the large inventory there is in Florida.  The housing market hasn't gone berserk here as it has in many parts of the country.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 144: Anxious?

September 10, 2007  Day 144

Today is Elsie Stoessel's birthday.  She was my ex-mother-in-law, and a great lady:  a lover of books, art and nature.  She always stood by me and Blixy, and I chronicle her last years in my memoir, The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles. 

I didn't understand why I felt anxious this morning, but just realized it's because I am the leader of tonight's book group discussion on The Pickup by Nadine Gordimer.  It was a great book and my sister Laura will go with me.  The meeting is at my friend and neighbor's house, so all in all, this should be low-stress.  Should be.

In this morning's drawing, I used my favorite combination of reds to purple and orange, creating an egg-like shape filled with bright patterns.  A new set of calligraphy pens is arriving this week with 42 colors, so I'm looking forward to having more shades to work with.

  Drawing #146  11" x 14"

It's a gray day here, wet and muddy since it rained most of yesterday.  Laura and I got in a walk when it slowed down, and then we all watched Federer beat Jokovitch in the US Open tennis final.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 118: Humor As a Prescription for Mental Health

August 15, 2007  Day 118

Mike and I did end up playing ping-pong and badminton yesterday afternoon, as well as attempting to make a video of my drawings.  I held the camera while he removed one drawing at a time on the stack.  The first few attempts were total failures, and then we did one we thought might work, but we couldn't upload it from the camera to the computer.  I need to learn more about making videos and manipulating them.

In this morning's drawing, I got heavily involved in color again, and it seemed that that was all it would be until I started adding some black lines.  I signed it and walked away, and then went back and filled in more color.  Later I added more black lines.  The next time I looked at it, I added some green.  And the last time, I filled in some areas with red.  Is it done now?

  Drawing #120  11" x 14"

We had our bipolar meeting last night, and it was really a lot of fun (the opposite of the last one, which was excruciatingly stressful).  Everyone had a horror story to tell, but we all laughed at ourselves.  Being able to see the humor in disaster is really important for mental health.  If we can laugh, even through our tears, we have a shot at making it.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 97

July 25, 2007  Day 97

Last night's bipolar support group meeting was very upsetting.  One of our long-time members was manic and very aggressively attacking everything others said.  The person who was supposed to facilitate did not show up, as well as many of our regulars.  That left me to facilitate with Z acting crazy.  At the same time we had one brand new person and another second-timer, who sounded a bit manic himself.

Just before the meeting, Adrian, John and I had an early dinner at a restaurant downtown, eating at outdoor tables on the sidewalk.  Z showed up and I asked her to join us.  She started out by saying that she didn't like the title of my book (The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles), and that she could only read one-third of it because she had already been through all that.  Not pausing for my response, she continued a short monolog, and then abruptly left. 

At the meeting, I didn't know whether to indulge her or to ask her to leave for the sake of the others.  At one point I told her to take her turn, hoping that would give her a chance to let off some steam.  After a long monolog that showed no signs of ending, I said we needed to move on to let others have a chance to speak.  She stormed out at that point and the rest of the meeting was relatively peaceful. 

Z is a very bright, capable woman and I hate to see her falling into this destructive pattern.  At the stage she was in last night, she wasn't ready to listen to anyone.  I fear this will mean another hospitalization for her.

I felt inadequate in dealing with Z last night, and also selfish that I wasn't willing to put myself out for her.  When  I said, "Take care of yourself," as she left, she shouted back, "I don't need your concern.  Give me something I can use."

And so I woke up at 2 a.m. and took Ambien in order to go back to sleep.  Today I feel dopey and disturbed.  My drawing, in reds, reflects this mood:

  Drawing #98  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)