The Zen of Caregiving

The Agony and the Ecstasy of Medication

I've been trying out various medications for depression lately, and so has Adrian.  He needs his to cope with the onset of dementia and possibly Alzheimer's.  I need mine to cope.  I briefly tried Cymbalta and Celexa, which gave me headaches and nausea and kept me from sleeping. 

Now I'm taking Lexapro, which seemed to have fewer side effects, except that slowly I started turning into a zombie.  No energy, no ambition, no desire to do anything but sit around and take naps.  Yes, I am more mellow with the Lexapro, but at what cost?

The good news is that I now have an idea what Adrian has been complaining about for months: feeling tired and unmotivated all the time so that you have to force yourself to do anything. My natural state is to have lots of get-up and go in the morning, tackling my to-do list with zest.  There's no way I'm going to put up with this lethargic monotone.  

I'm pretty sensitive to drug side-effects, and that's why I usually do best on none.  I thrive better with lifestyle management like exercise, fresh air and meditation.  But Adrian really needs to be on the meds he's taking, and it's unclear which ones might be having negative side effects in the first place. 

When we're caring for someone and helping them make decisions about medication, it's always tricky to weigh the benefits against the negative side effects. But it's important to take all complaints seriously, even if it takes much longer to find a combination that works.

Caregiver Guilt

As a caregiver, how much must you do before you stop feeling guilty? 

Whenever I take a "break" from my husband, it's hard for me not to feel guilty, even though I know it's the best thing for me and for him.  If I fall apart, what good will that do him?  

I was talking with a daughter who had left her elderly father in the care of live-in help.  The daughter was traveling with her own family and was enjoying this time on their own.  "I don't feel guilty," she said, "but my sister always does." 

Both daughters are devoted and loving, spending as much time as they can with their father.  But they have children, husbands, and jobs, and cannot spend all their time with their father.  I admired the one who could walk away without guilt, at the same time realizing, "that's not me."

As caregivers, we need to have as much or more compassion for ourselves as the one we are caring for.  I need to put this good advice into practice.  How about you?