Better communication helps relieve caregiver stress

As caregivers, we think we need to be patient and loving at all times.  So we overlook things that bother us until we reach the boiling point.  And then we boil over.

At least, that's how I do it.  The other night Adrian shook out his quilt at 2 a.m., creating a puff of cold air in my face that woke me up.  I got furious and did it back to him (not that it mattered to him, since he was already awake).

Even after taking a sleeping pill, I could not go back to sleep.  He has to stop doing this to me, I thought.  I don't deserve this.

In my mind I tried and convicted Adrian, convinced that waking me up in the middle of the night was equivalent to abuse. 

I had never complained much before about the quilt shaking because I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose to wake me up.  And I knew he just didn't remember that I'd asked him not to do this.  So if it wasn't his fault, whose was it?

Well, we finally sat down and had a serious talk about the problem and Adrian agreed, of course, that I should be able to sleep without him waking me.  We came up with a couple possible solutions that would allow me to sleep undisturbed, and Adrian to have his quilt the way he likes it. 

The important lesson in this is to speak up about a problem, not wait until you boil over.