Holidays and Caregiving

Sometimes the holidays make caregiving easier:  other relatives are around to help out; there is more activity going on to entertain the person you're caring for; and you take time out from work to relax.  I remember having family visit for my father's 94th birthday, and how much he enjoyed it. Normally he would only last a few hours, but he was alert all day, and especially enjoyed the poker game even though he lost. 

Other times, hosting at the holidays means more work, more stress, and less time and patience for the caregiver.  I'm afraid this year Adrian did not enjoy our Hanukkah celebration.  He hid out in his office much of the time, and was very quiet during the meal.  We had three children and seven adults, and continuous activity with Dance-Dance going on in the living room, ping-pong and darts in the basement, and food prep in the kitchen. 

When we have guests, I tend to focus on the guests, not on Adrian.  In fact, I often resent the fact that he is not helping me entertain.  And when my grandkids are here, I focus on them.  

My father always enjoyed having a lot of family around, playing cards and games.  We are a game-playing family.  But I'm afraid Adrian simply suffered the loss of my normal attention. When we finally went to bed last night, he said he was unhappy.  And I felt guilty.