Is this a bipolar manifestation or is something terribly wrong?

I feel hopeless, trapped, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Am I just going through a depression cycle in my bipolar disorder, or is something terribly wrong with my life? 

I've been pretending for months, I believe, that everything was fine.  Except that I couldn't seem to leave the house, I drank and ate too much, and I worked all the time.  Basically, I hid in my painting studio during the day and watched videos at night, drinking wine and snacking on nuts and chocolate. 

Recently I started going to a meditation group on Sundays in order to find a way out of this routine.  We were reading Eckhart Tolle, and trying to focus on the "now," but when I was able to actually get in touch with my true feelings in the "now," I suddenly woke up to the reality of my self-deception. 

A short while later, Adrian confirmed my suspicions by telling me he felt I was "rejecting him."  Yeah, I am rejecting him because every moment of our lives together is painful.  He can't do any of the things we used to do together:  play tennis, cross-country ski, hike in the woods.  His shoulders are shot, his balance is off, he can't see, he can't hear, and he can't finish a sentence because he forgets in the middle of it what he was trying to say.

We've been married for 27 years and he is a good man.  I made a commitment to care for him no matter how hard it becomes.  But he was my best friend and now I can't talk to my best friend about how hard this is.  I hide it from him because I don't want to hurt him.  But of course, I'm hurting him anyway.  I can't really hide it. 

Is there a way out of this?

Comments

[bruce]

Don't just give up.There is nothing wrong wiht your life.Try to find the proper solution for bipolar and see what a beautiful life it is.
----------------------------------------
bruce
Find the latest news about Depression, Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Discuss Mood Disorders topics with members of the Health Community.

Manic Depression News and Discussion Forum

[bruce]

Don't just give up.There is nothing wrong wiht your life.Try to find the proper solution for bipolar and see what a beautiful life it isto live.

-------------------------------------

bruce

Find the latest news about Depression, Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Discuss Mood Disorders topics with members of the Health Community.

Manic Depression News and Discussion Forum

[bruce]

Don't just give up.There is nothing wrong wiht your life.Try to find the proper solution for bipolar and see what a beautiful life it is to live.
-----------------------------------------
bruce
[url="http://www.manicdepression.us.com"]Manic Depression News and Discussion Forum[/url]